BEWARE OF THE ROPES!!

Are you ready for another humorous church incident? A funny happening to tickle your funny bone? Ready or not, here it comes.

This incident happened several years ago. I was serving with a small Illinois congregation. Frequently I made evening visits. This was one of those occasions. I drove my car slowly up the driveway noticing that there were lights on inside the house. Getting out of my car I walked up the steps to the front door. Knocked once. No answer. Twice. No answer. But on the third knock I heard the loud bark of a dog who was moving fast around the side of the house.

Naturally, my first instinct was to run. Run fast. Set a speed record. I leaped off the porch and made a mad dash for my vehicle. But somewhere in between the front porch and my car everything went suddenly blank. Why? I wasn’t aware that folks hung clothes lines in their front yard. The clothes line had caught me at the neck level and sent me flying in reflexive reverse on my back. Momentarily I was dazed. Loco. In la la land.

My unconscious period came to an end, however, with the big barking dog who was coming around the house. He was now standing above me. I awakened to his massive presence. What was he doing? Licking my face. “Do what?” Like I said, he was licking my face. My face was thoroughly wet from a good tongue licking. I really think the dog felt sorry for me. Wanted to comfort me. Become my friend. But I was still stunned from the reflex action received from the clothes line.

To my surprise the couple was also now standing above me. Right next to their dog. Looking down at me, like the dog, with pity. They had heard their dogs barks. But they had not heard my knocks on the door. Realizing something was going on, they had rushed outside. The woman was bending down and asking if I was okay. Still alive. And apologizing for the clothes line. 

I assured the couple I was okay. Still alive. But that I was a bit breathless. My neck was sore. My back hurting. And I smelled like a dog. For the dog had covered my face with his generous saliva application. This was a visit that I will never forget. I carried the clothes line marks on my neck for a couple of weeks. And my back was sore for a longer period of time.

But I was young. Resilient. Able to bounce back. Able to heal. To return to normality. Yet, it was one of my most unforgettable lessons in church visitation. For these are not experiences you are taught to anticipate in college and seminary. It’s true! So, you need to be sure that you learn all you can about the ROPES!! Oops!! The clothes lines.